How To Burn Calories With Pool Noodles (Or How Not To Burn Calories With A Stair Master)

Burning Calories With The Stair Master Is Utterly Vain

When you consider the calories that you burn with your basal metabolic rate (BMR) during the time that you are exercising on the Stair Master it turns out you are wasting your time.  If you subtract the number of calories you would have burned sitting on your butt watching two episodes of The Simpsons you are burning VERY few calories in your workout.

How many calories are burned in an average marathon? 2600.

Consider that 3500 calories equals a pound of fat, and you’ll feel a sensation in your body called hopelessness and rage. Confused? Angry? You should be.

Burning calories with hot sweaty workouts seems like a lost cause. That’s only because I know a better way! Listen, it’s easier, more effective, and Dare-I-Say-It a total natural high to get in a cold shower!

I once did a blog post on my 10 minute ice bath experiment where I talked about the science and experiments of Ray Cronaise.


Since then, I’ve been having cold showers almost every day for 6 months! I admit that is it a challenge to initially get in, but stick with it and you will adapt. Now I laugh in the face of cold lakes! By learning to take the cold exposure on a daily basis you will burn fat far more efficiently than chaffing your ass on an exercise bike. Also your fear of cold lakes will never again stop your enjoyment of a cottage vacation!

My step brother and I having a wicked noodle fight in Quebec

My Wacky Business Idea Involves An Unheated Pool and Noodle Games

At the Can Fit Pro fitness conference August 15, 2012 there is going to be a session called “Using Your Noodle: Games, Games, and More Games.” It sounds out of place considering most other sessions are “XTREME”, military grade and fat terminating products.

So get this: we get a decent sized unheated pool for games only, so noodle javelin throwing, handball, volleyball, basketball, tag-whatever. It won’t be easy to get in, but by thermally loading our bodies, our core temperature will drop will incur shivering. Calories will burn, fatty acids will be released into the blood stream, and the aforementioned BAT will activate! Score!

These two things alone burn TONS of calories and also change the hormonal balance of the body.

  • Adiponectin will be increased, an incredible fat burning hormone that Tim Ferriss says in his book The Four Hour Body we will hear more about in the future.
  • Testosterone will ALSO increase.

This is some seriously potent stuff and all we need to do it turn on the fun!

Imagine, 20 minutes of playing in the pool and burn more fat off your body than a “kick-ass” hour long session on the Stair Master.

Call me crazy but seriously folks, but let’s get smart about fat loss.